


The High End Of Low

by GoodGollyMissYollie (Yollie183)



Series: Ride The Lightning [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Drug Addiction, Explicit Language, M/M, Self-Harm, Wade Is A Good Friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 11:52:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8444758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yollie183/pseuds/GoodGollyMissYollie
Summary: Steve Rogers works for a discreet private security company and gets assigned to James Barnes, a musician who takes the idea of 'sex, drugs & rock 'n roll' just a little too seriously.*** THIS IS A COMPANION WORK TO Goddamn Electric ***





	

**Author's Note:**

> THIS TAKES PLACE BEFORE GODDAMN ELECTRIC! It takes place in 2015, one year before Steve and Bucky meet, during the recording of Siberia's previous album.
> 
> So, I asked the wonderful people who are reading my fic [Goddamn Electric](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6756670/chapters/15441367) if they wanted scenes from Bucky's POV, and this is that!  
> Please go read that if you haven't yet, there are some references that are explained in the main fic.
> 
> Title is from the album of the same name by Marilyn Manson.
> 
> I know the relationship tag says Steve/Bucky, even though Steve doesn't appear in this chapter, but I did it because this is not a stand alone fic, but part of a greater whole.

_Don't give up, it takes a while_

_I have seen this look before_

_And it's alright_

_You're not alone_

_If you don't love this anymore_

_I hear that you've slipped again_

_I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend_

_And you know that accidents can happen_

_And it's okay,_

_We all fall off the wagon sometimes_

_It's not your whole life_

_It's only one day_

_You haven't thrown everything away._

_Take some time and learn to breathe_

_And remember what it means_

_To feel alive_

_And to believe_

_Something more than what you see_

_I know there's a price for this_

_But some things in life you must resist_

_I hear that you've slipped again_

_I'm here 'cause I know you'll need a friend_

_So don't give up_

_It takes a while._

_\- Accidents Can Happen, Sixx:A.M._

 

~

 

Wade parked his pink Prius in Bucky’s driveway, turning down the Alanis Morissette blasting from the speakers. He sat for a long second just staring at the door in the too-bright sunlight, preparing himself for what he’d undoubtedly find inside. Bucky had been doing so good with kicking the junk, but when he didn’t show up to Monday rehearsal that morning, Wade had immediately known why.

Finally, he got out of the car and climbed the steps to hammer on the door. He waited, knocked again, then tried the knob. The door swung open, revealing the darkened interior.

“Bucky?” he called, walking toward the kitchen that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks, never mind just that weekend. “Bucky, where you hiding?”

He wasn’t in the living room either, though the coffee table, couch and most of the floor was littered with drug paraphernalia. Syringes, loose needles, foil, cotton, spoons, little plastic bags and rolled-up fifty Dollar bills were scattered everywhere and Wade cursed under his breath, sending a quick prayer to whoever was inclined to listen that Bucky wasn’t dead.

He made his way upstairs, poking his head around the half-closed door to Bucky’s bedroom.

He was lying on the bed, naked, shivering. Wade reeled back a little in shock. Aside from the myriad bruises covering his skin, Wade could count every rib, see Bucky’s hipbones protruding obscenely under his skin, noticed for the first time that Bucky really looked _sick._ Wade felt like punching something, mostly himself. How could he have been so oblivious to what had been happening to his friend? For weeks he thought Bucky’s weight loss had been due to his getting off drugs. He’d never even imagined that the opposite could have been true.

“Bucky?” he said quietly, taking a couple of steps deeper into the gloomy, sunless room.

Bucky made a little sound in the back of his throat, curled tighter into himself, his shivering becoming worse.

Wade went around to the side of the bed, placing one hand gingerly on Bucky’s shoulder, his skin cool and clammy. “Bucky Bear, it’s me, Wade.”

“W’de?” Bucky mumbled, one eye swiveling in Wade’s direction without focusing on anything. His pupils were black holes, swallowing up the blue galaxies of his irises.

“Yeah, buddy,” Wade said, bringing his other hand to gently move strands of greasy hair away from Bucky’s pale face. “You’re not doing so good.”

Bucky nodded a little, his shivers become worse, little tremors that seemed to hurt where his muscles contracted.

“Do you remember what you took?” Wade prompted, moving his fingers to Bucky’s neck to check his pulse. Fast, but steady.

“Heroin.”

“How much?”

“All of ‘t.”

“Oh, Bucky,” Wade whispered. “How long ago?”

“Dunno. ‘T was dark out.”

Wade breathed a quiet sigh. Most of what Bucky had taken should be out of his system by now. He wasn’t in any immediate danger.

“Okay,” Wade sat back on his heels next to Bucky’s bed, “you are gonna get cleaned up and have something to eat. Then you and I are taking Ellie out to a movie. Got it?”

“No, Wade,” Bucky moaned, pressing his face into his pillow.

“Yes, Wade,” Wade insisted. “It’s time for some tough love, Bucky Bear.” He got to his feet and yanked open Bucky’s curtains, letting in the sunshine and causing Bucky to groan and throw one black and blue arm over his face.

“Up!” Wade said loudly. “Get up and get your skinny ass in that shower. Now!”

Bucky glared at him, but pushed himself into a sitting position anyway. “I’m naked,” he said, frowning.

“I noticed,” Wade remarked. “But I’ve never been more grateful for our strictly platonic relationship, because you look like shit.”

“Thanks, Wade, that’s just the ego boost I needed,” Bucky tried to sass as he got to his feet and immediately pitched forward. Wade caught him, keeping one arm around him as he got his feet back under him.

“You know me, always with the flattery,” Wade said as he helped Bucky into his bathroom.

“You gonna wash my hair for me too, Wade?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

Wade left him to go downstairs and try to get the kitchen and living room into some sort of habitable state. He was busy scrambling some eggs when Bucky emerged at the foot of the stairs, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt. He still looked like hell, but at least he smelled better and Wade pulled him into a tight hug.

“If you ever do something like this again, I’ll fucking kill you,” he whispered into Bucky’s ear and was rewarded with a breathy little giggle.

Wade pulled away, plating eggs and toast.

“Eat,” he instructed. “We gotta pick up Ellie in an hour.”

 

Ellie, much more observant then any seven-year old had the right to be, narrowed her eyes at Bucky the moment she opened the front door to her mom’s house.

“You sick, Uncle Bucky?”

Wade watched Bucky squirm uncomfortably as he tried to answer her without lying.

Carmelita appeared in the hall behind her daughter, gave Bucky one look and frowned in disapproval.

“You in any shape to be around a kid, James?” she questioned and Bucky dropped his eyes, guilt written plainly on his face.

“I’ll never do anything that might hurt her, Lita, I swear.”

The sincerity in Bucky’s voice robbed Wade of any jokes he might have made, and he took Ellie’s green Hello Kitty backpack from Carmelita.

“I’ll bring her home after dinner,” Wade told her, taking Ellie’s left hand while Bucky took her right. They set off down the sidewalk, looking for all the world like that cute gay couple down the street who just adopted a disadvantaged child.

Wade listened to Ellie tell them about her weekend and how much chocolate she just knew she could eat in one sitting without getting sick. It was a strange thing, how someone as ugly – inside and out – as him could have helped create such a beautiful and amazing human being as Ellie, Wade thought. He never ceased to be amazed at her perfection or awed at her purity. He’d made some unsavory life choices before he’d met Bucky and joined Siberia and he had never thought, before the band formed, that he could ever have anything good in his life. And yet, here he was, with so many good things that he could hardly believe it.

They made their way slowly to the nearest subway station, from there to a movie theatre showing the latest CGI kids’ movie. Ellie put up a fight to see the R-rated action comedy that was showing, but Wade finally convinced (bribed) her to watch Inside Out instead.

As they left the theatre, Wade realized Bucky looked ill. He pointed to the restroom sign and led Ellie to a nearby bench to wait for him.

He emerged ten minutes later, looking less green, but exponentially more miserable.

“You look like dog sh- poop that’s been run over by a tricycle.” Wade told him and Bucky gave a little smile.

“That’s a lovely thing to say, thank you, Wade.”

“You’re very welcome, Bucky.”

“Uncle Bucky should have some ginger ale,” piped up Ellie. “It always helps when I’m sick.”

“She’s seven and she’s already smarter than us,” Wade said, a little overdramatically.

“Smarter than you, definitely,” Bucky said drily, shouldering Ellie’s bag as they moved down the street toward a little café Ellie especially enjoyed because they drew pictures on her grilled cheese.

“Hey! You’re such a meanie,” Wade exclaimed, following his friend and daughter.

The café was bright and cheerful, but not too busy and their food arrived quickly. Bucky picked at his, while Ellie and Wade wolfed theirs down, conversation mostly non-existent until two thirds of their plates were cleared. They played half a game of I Spy, before Ellie got bored and started digging in her backpack for her coloring supplies. She had a Batman coloring book with My Little Pony pencils, the ends of which she chewed while deciding the best bit of the picture to color next. Bucky watched her, his expression fond and a little pained.

“How you feeling?” Wade asked, taking a sip of his strawberry shake.

Bucky lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.”

“You gotta take care of yourself, man,” Wade said and Bucky looked at the table again, the guilt back on his face.

“I tried to kick it, then Alex showed up Wednesday night, and I just…” Bucky trailed off, but Wade knew enough that he didn’t need him to elaborate.

“This ain’t right, Buck,” Wade started, but Bucky cut him off before he could say anything else.

“I know what I’m doing, Wade. I’ve got it under control.”

“Do you?”

Bucky’s face went blank, an expression that still scared the shit out of Wade, even after all these years.

“Look,” Wade said, trying to bring life back to his friend’s features, “I’m your friend, Bucky Bear. I care about you. I don’t want to see you hurt, okay?”

Bucky blinked, and suddenly looked sad. “Thank you, Wade.”

“Hey, Uncle Bucky, whattaya think?” Ellie broke the moment, holding up her coloring book. She’d colored Batman in the Joker’s colors, complete with green cowl and purple cape.

Bucky laughed. “I think poor Bruce is gonna need some therapy. Good job, kid.”

Ellie smiled, proud of herself, and turned the page to begin coloring the next picture.

 

They took Ellie back home, then Wade invited himself to watch a movie at Bucky’s place.

“You don’t need to babysit me, Wade,” Bucky said quietly as he fiddled with the air freshener hanging from the Prius’ rearview mirror.

“I know that. But I ain’t letting you shoot up tonight, so fucking get over it.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Bucky told him, “but a much better friend than I deserve.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Wade sing-songed, making Bucky chuckle.

They watched Mulan and ate ice-cream, Wade resting his feet in Bucky’s lap. It would’ve been nice, if it weren’t for Bucky’s fidgeting. Finally, after the movie, Wade turned on his friend.

“Where’re your hiding places, Bucky Bear?”

Wade saw a tremor of anger on Bucky’s face, before it settled into resignation.

“Bathroom cabinet, bedside table, in the Funko tin in the studio and behind the Wheel of Time boxset over there.”

Wade went through each hidey-hole, gathering needles and little bags of white powder – some coke, some smack. He broke the needles and threw them in the trash outside, then flushed all the drugs.

Bucky looked tired and hurt when Wade came back to sit next to him on the couch.

“I know I’m kidding myself,” Wade said, “I know as soon as I leave you’re just gonna call your dealer, but I have to try.”

Bucky nodded. “I won’t call her, Wade. Not tonight, I promise. And I’ll be at rehearsal tomorrow, don’t worry, okay?”

Wade sighed. “Hey, I gotta worry, man.”

“Why?”

“Because you matter, Bucky Bear,” Wade told him. “You matter at least… until you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then you energy.”

Bucky glared at him, then burst out laughing, and Wade gave him a shit-eating grin. This was okay, for now, Wade decided. Bucky laughing, with actual color in his cheeks. This was okay for now.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments and kudos are always very much appreciated!
> 
> I know there isn't much humor in this, as you'd expect from Wade, and I'm sorry. I might return and rewrite this at some point in the distant future.


End file.
